Thirteenth Meditation

*This meditation occurred in the morning*

This week was stressful. Despite my planning I still feel anxious about what is going to happen in the next few days such as the paper for this assignment being due and my bio test and other things that are driving me crazy. Stress just hurts me so much and this week has just been painful for me. 

I went to the gods room after I took a shower and sat in the lotus position. It was 7:25 and I had to be down for dinner soon so I wanted to relax and take a step back from everything that has been going on in the past few days. I wanted to really focus on myself and how I was reacting to these things going on around me. I started to reflect on my actions and just concentrate on my breathing. The scent of the burning incense sticks was getting inside my nostrils and making me feel at ease. I felt comfort when I was smelling the incense, it made me feel a part of the room. When I was breathing, it started to ease the tension but I knew there was something more I had to do with myself. I really started to think about it and realized there was no balance in my mind. No peace of mind because of the constant work I have to do all the time.

With that thought in mind, I ignored all of the negative thoughts and focused on what I could feel right now during the meditation. It was sadness. The drive for success and competition has made me completely agitated and a stickler about my work. Whenever I relax, I always kick myself because I could be using that time to really work but I can't work when my mind is being torn in two places. I meditated for about 14 minutes and just sitting there really helped me clear my conscious and let me think about what I have to do next. 

Once I got my thoughts together I was truly able to go about my day without any trouble in my head at all. All I needed was some time for myself.