Fourteenth Meditation

Today in my psych class we did something very interesting. We went downstairs to the first floor and did yoga in the weight room!

We all went downstairs to the weight room where Mrs. Gabriellie was waiting for us and she led us to the yoga room in the back. We each pulled out a yoga mat, took off our shoes and sat down facing her. The yoga room was dimly lit, setting a calm and relaxing mood in the room. The first thing we did as a class was lie flat on our backs and breathe in with our nose and back out through the nose. The sensation made me feel so relaxed that i closed my eyes and felt my "third eye" tensing for focus. It was incredible how fast I was able to go into the relaxed state of mind. We started to do basic yoga poses like the child's pose which really stretched out my back muscles and my arms. We later moved on to simpler stretches with keeping the shoulder blades down to the floor and moving our knees to the side of our body. We also did downward dog, the sun salutation and the crow which only some people were able to do because of it being hard to balance with that pose. We had to use our upper body strength and balance ourselves while holding our legs in mid air in a bent position. I was happy when I was able to do it.

While we were doing our poses, Mrs. Gabriellie told us repeatedly to concentrate on our breathing as we go through each pose to keep the oxygen flowing to our tired muscles. This helped us stretch a little bit further each time. As I was breathing, I kept thinking about going through the motions and feeling the stretch from my fingers to my toes. The feeling was absolutely amazing because I was staying mindful about my actions and truly appreciating everything that my body was going through, pain, relaxation and the keeping the oxygen flowing through my blood. 

While we were posing and breathing, Mrs. gabriellie also played some soft music to get us all in the mindset of relaxation and help us retain our focus throughout the workout. I could feel some parts of my body getting tense and shaking as the workout went on, but after a little bit I was able to find my balance. At the end of this workout, my body felt loose and I felt incredible. I was able to focus in math class and retain a lot more energy and feel a lot less stressed out. I would love to make yoga a part of my life.
Overall this experience for me made me think of yoga and mindfulness at a much deeper level and make me think about the levels I must go through with the 8 limbs of yoga to truly achieve a state of bliss.

Thirteenth Meditation

*This meditation occurred in the morning*

This week was stressful. Despite my planning I still feel anxious about what is going to happen in the next few days such as the paper for this assignment being due and my bio test and other things that are driving me crazy. Stress just hurts me so much and this week has just been painful for me. 

I went to the gods room after I took a shower and sat in the lotus position. It was 7:25 and I had to be down for dinner soon so I wanted to relax and take a step back from everything that has been going on in the past few days. I wanted to really focus on myself and how I was reacting to these things going on around me. I started to reflect on my actions and just concentrate on my breathing. The scent of the burning incense sticks was getting inside my nostrils and making me feel at ease. I felt comfort when I was smelling the incense, it made me feel a part of the room. When I was breathing, it started to ease the tension but I knew there was something more I had to do with myself. I really started to think about it and realized there was no balance in my mind. No peace of mind because of the constant work I have to do all the time.

With that thought in mind, I ignored all of the negative thoughts and focused on what I could feel right now during the meditation. It was sadness. The drive for success and competition has made me completely agitated and a stickler about my work. Whenever I relax, I always kick myself because I could be using that time to really work but I can't work when my mind is being torn in two places. I meditated for about 14 minutes and just sitting there really helped me clear my conscious and let me think about what I have to do next. 

Once I got my thoughts together I was truly able to go about my day without any trouble in my head at all. All I needed was some time for myself.

Twelfth Meditation

Over time, this meditation process has made a dramatic impact on my levels on focus and I'm incredibly thankful for that. This meditation was not as special as the previous one but it did help stop my morning panic attack.


I woke up at 5:30 with a barrage of thoughts attacking my head at once. (ACT class at 5, Extended Essay research question/meeting after school, study for bio exam, make up math quiz during 5th hour, pre-gridding on Tuesday, bio exam on Tuesday, Interactive Oral Presentation in english on Wednesday or Thursday). So many of thoughts just attacked my head all at once and forced me awake. It was absolutely unpleasant. I could feel my anxiety rising and could feel myself becoming depressed at these thoughts. However, I cannot let those stop me from having a good day today. It was 5:54 and I don't normally get up to do things until 6:15 so I decided to meditate. I put the alarm on my phone to 6:15, lied back down in my bed in a supine position and closed my eyes.

I let my thoughts run wild for a moment just so I can properly survey the situation. I've never actually woken up to do meditation because I normally just try to enjoy as much sleep as I can so the thoughts that I have to plan out throughout my day don't interfere with my sleep cycle. I could feel pressure on the middle of my forehead, having that there tells me that I am focusing on what is in front of me right now. I organized all of my thoughts to specific days in my head while I meditate and concentrated on my breathing. After while I could feel my thoughts and my anxiety starting to calm down and I could clearly focus. Today for my Extended Essay meeting, my ACT class, my make up math quiz and studying intensely for my bio exam. Tuesday I can tackle the pre-gridding and I will stay after school to work on my Interactive Oral with my group members to come up with an outline for the presentation. And for Wednesday, focus on the Oral Presentation and make sure that my group and I are throughly prepared for this.

I released myself from meditation around 6:14 and opened up my computer to type in my blog, putting all the negative energy where it needs to be. Just typing this out right now is actually easing my stress a lot because I am now planning everything out rationally and logically and taking all of my worried energy and turning it into positive energy that I need to get through my day. Before I started this meditation project I would always wake up at 3 in the morning and start panicking about either a test coming up or just something I think is in my head to scare me when it's actually nothing. I was also just thinking about the video we saw in psych class about how stress is a killer. I've started to truly understand why now because for a long time I've had a strong type A personality and it's affected my relationships with others and how I function throughout the day, causing me to have high stress levels and have this emaciated look on my face. With the meditation I've decreased most of that and continue to do so every day. So now the type A feelings I have are starting to become more relaxed so I can focus better in the long run. I'm happy now because my thoughts now don't seem as bad as I made them out to be about a half an hour ago. Meditation continues to amaze me.

Eleventh meditation

This meditation occurred yesterday but I could not find the time to post it.

I was getting ready to go take the ACT test at Adlai E. Stevenson high school around 7:30. I was starting to get really nervous because I know I didn't prepare for it as well as I wanted to and that led me to think negative thoughts about myself. On the car ride to the school I closed my eyes and began to meditate. Feeling the anxiety build up throughout my body, I started to take note of how it was affecting me. My hands were shaky and clammy, my breathing was going really fast and my heart beat sped up a lot. It felt really unhealthy for me. I started to do the 7/11 breathing again, breathing in for 7 and out for 11. It helped when I went into the school and waited to look for my room to take the test.

I saw some familiar faces and I felt at ease when people were saying they were nervous too, obviously I won't be the only one who is nervous but it's good to have that comfort of having someone scared with you and going at the test together. Even though I felt calm in my mind, I could feel the adrenaline coursing through my body and making my hands shake worse. As soon as I got into the testing room, there were about 10-15 other juniors in there that I didn't know so that also built up the anxiety in the room. I sat down in my desk and started to meditate again to control the adrenaline building up in my body. I meditated and focused solely on my breathing and easing the overall shakiness in my body.

As soon as I got the test I started to crack down on it. The answers were starting to come to me, I retained my focus throughout the test and being mindful of the time even thought I had to make a few guesses. My concentration was only on the test and nothing else, everything else around me melted away and the adrenaline helped me scan the information better and make logical guesses on what what the correct answer. The english, math, and reading section of the test was where I spent most of my energy on and once I got to science I died down a little bit. After the multiple choice, It felt like my brain just jogged 3 warm up miles. I felt incredibly relaxed and turned my clear and concise focus towards the writing section. My deep inner thoughts expressing my opinion for the topic came out clearer than ever before when writing. Overall, I was surprised how well my thoughts flowed and how well I could retain that concentration for a long period of time. Meditation really does help on standardized tests. :)

Tenth Meditation

I did this meditation Thursday night before I went to sleep but I'm blogging it here now. It was about 10:00 and I was lying supine in my bed, covered in blankets. I put some music in my ears, the same song that I listened to while meditating on Wednesday came up. It was pitch black in my room and I was focusing on the breathing with the dim light of my Ipod next to me. I was feeling the same peaceful and relaxing sensation as I did on Wednesday but this time it was different. It didn't seem as special as it did when I was looking outside at the sunset. I wasn't really filled with much warmth, only a sense of silence.

I had thoughts buzzing through my mind but I let them through just so I can organize them and get a clear look at them. Just concentrating on present moment was what strengthened my mind in the past few days and didn't make me worry or feel anxious about anything. There are definitely noticeable changes. I've been concentrating more in class and thinking outside the box and prioritizing a lot better than I used to, I also have been thinking about what is good for me in the future when forming my schedule for school and schedule for my life. I've also been keeping my mind in the right place. Not letting my anxieties for the future and guilt from the past stop me from achieving what I need to do now. Lately everything has been very manageable for me overall and I plan to keep it that way. Even after I'm done with this school project.

Ninth Meditation

It was 4:50 and I had decided to take a nap before I went back to school to help out for the freshmen orientation but then I couldn't fall asleep. I was too anxious and tight in my body for some reason. So I turned on the computer on my desk to YouTube and started to look for some more meditation music. It was 5:00 so I said I'll just relax for 15 minutes. My desk where I usually do homework on was right by the window and the sunset caught my eye, it was a brilliant, golden yellow ball of energy surrounded by gold outlined clouds, shining on the freshly fallen snow. In my eyes it was one of the most beautiful sunsets I've seen in the winter in a long time.
I took a few minutes to bask in the moment. After that I put my feet on my desk, leaned back, and closed my eyes with my headphones in listening to the soft music. The way the music was made me feel a tinge of sorrow but with a deep sense of security and benevolence. I could feel myself being drawn in to the music more deeper than ever before. In the music there were sounds of ocean waves hitting the sand and loud squawks of the seagulls to enhance the beach effect. The key changes made me think of the sunset's glow that was now imprinted in my mind. I was in deep solitude with my mind. I saw myself in a beach with no one else around, just me basking in my own thoughts.
After about 9 minutes I shut off the music and meditated without the sound so I could pay attention to my body. My body felt very lax and less tense because at that moment I was focusing on the present moment and nothing more. The only thing that mattered to me at that moment was finding peace in my brain and in my heart despite the anxieties that are coming up such as the ACT this saturday and many more problems with schoolwork and the IB program that I need to catch up on. All of those faded about 10 minutes in the meditation. My heartbeat and breathing became really steady and I could maintain a good flow for a long time.
After 15 minutes my dog started to bark at some people outside. I was very frustrated because I was really into the meditation and knew that this was a beautiful moment. My parents were home and that meant they were going to start talking about their day and asking me questions like all good parents do so I stopped the meditation. My mom told me that the car that my dad and her were driving in got stuck in the driveway again due to the ice packed on the driveway. She then told me to look outside and I saw two men helping my dad get the car unstuck by shoveling the ice. My mom told me that they were just walking by and just stopped to help. Its amazing how kind some human beings can be to each other, just seeing that filled up my heart with warmness and gratitude that there are people out there to help. As I started to type up this blog I was looking at the sun, the sun has set lower and the golden yellow has transformed into a warm, hearty red with a tint of purple. As I finish this sentence and look outside, I see the true beauty of nature from the red light the sun gives off and the light blue clouds that hang in the baby blue sky. It was a truly beautiful moment.

Eighth Meditation

This meditation was something that I would consider reflective and eye opening rather than trying to find relaxation. I was sitting in the gods room after I took a shower and sat in front of the portraits of the gods cross legged. I sat quietly and took in the feelings in the room and the feelings in myself.

As I sat in the room and meditate, I started to go deep within my thoughts and got lost in trying to understand them. My heart rate got really fast and I started to think about my grandfather on my mom's side, her father. Suddenly I just couldn't focus anymore. My thoughts were just stuck on that one man and the pain that my mom went through when he died. The emotions overcame me so much that tears started to sting my eyes. I didn't understand why that thought came to me but it made me think about what kind of person he was and how he left his impact on his family. I realized that I wanted to make a good impact on my family and the ones I really care about in my life and this meditation helped me be mindful of that. The meditation was short, only 8 minutes, but I learned something very important today from it. I have to be the one who has to treat his friends and family with love and respect and not treat them for granted just because they will always be there for me.